Not Mexican enough, not American enough. Ni de aquí ni de allá. There are old Nahua words for what you've been carrying, and they were never about leaving. They're about getting rooted.
Your Spanish gets corrected on one side. Your name gets flattened on the other. You're too much of one thing at work and not enough of it at your abuela's table. So you float. You learn to be a slightly different person in every room and you call that being adaptable, and somewhere in there you stop knowing which version is actually YOU.
I lived in that my whole life and never had a word for it. Turns out the word is old. Turns out the in-between was never the actual problem, the expectation that you had to pick a side was.
I'm not gonna sell you a heritage kit or tell you to go find yourself. The Nahua had working tools for standing in the middle without getting torn apart by it, and they still work, and most of us were never handed them.
The knowing comes after the doing, not before.
I'm Polo. I work at a restaurant and I've been studying Nahua philosophy for a while now, and I make videos about it for people who feel the same thing I felt. I'm not a scholar and I'm not a healer, and I'm not gonna pretend to be either one.
The words in here are real, they're attested vocabulary from actual Nahua thought. The way I build on them is mine, and I say which is which. Where I don't know something, I say I don't know it. That seems like the least you should expect from somebody handing you your own culture back.
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